You can thank me later for providing this moment of comic relief.

Hilarious story of the day.

Girl’s car break downs on busy freeway during rush hour. Begs guy in truck behind her to push car off the road. CHP shows up and pushes her to the next exit, explaining that she’s in a dangerous spot. He manages to push her across four lanes of traffic to a gas station and parks her car in front of two gas pumps. Tow truck comes and takes her car away from the gas station. But not to her house, because the flatbed tow truck won’t fit in her parking lot. So the car visits the Fockers overnight. Next day, girl goes to Fockers to wait. Tow truck comes but is the wrong tow truck. Second tow truck comes and takes the car away. All of them, upon seeing the bright, glowing gas light indicating the car is on empty, ask, “is your car out of gas by chance.” Girl says, every time, “no, my gas gauge is broken. I just put gas in on Wednesday.”

Mechanic calls an hour later and says, you want the good news or the bad news. Girl says give me the bad news. Mechanic says I had to take your car apart to get to the gas tank and had to replace the gasket. Girl doesn’t really hear everything because girl starts seeing dollar signs and in parallel is angry that her warranty expired two weeks ago. Girl says give me the good news. Mechanic says, laughing, “your car is out of gas. I just put $10 in it and it runs fine and the gas gauge moved.” Girl checks credit card, looking for gas receipt. Girl clearly didn’t pay attention at gas station when she put the nozzle in the gas tank and walked into the store because girl didn’t get gas. Mechanic, three tow truck drivers, one random dude and the nice CHP officer are all right. Girl’s car is on empty. 

So, no matter what happens to you today be thankful you’re not the jackass who had two tows, a CHP escort, an extra tow truck driver and a trip to the mechanic all to get a tank of gas. 

With love from your favorite jackass. 


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